Last Updated on August 19, 2020 by Robert Price
Basically every quarterback in the NFL is 40 or younger. Men have approximately a 20% chance of experiencing male pattern baldness in their 20s, a 30% chance in their 30s, 40% in their 40s, and so on. Which quarterbacks of are of the unlucky, balding variety? I’m about to tell you, and I’m doing this without the permission of that balding a-hole commissioner, Roger Goddel. Hopefully I don’t get sued. Let’s get started.
The Top 10 Balding NFL Quarterbacks
In no particular order.
1. Andrew Luck
A diffuse thinner, Andrew Luck is likely to be a very bald man in the not-too-far-distant future if he doesn’t start treating it soon. The frontal hairline looks relatively stable for now, but I would guess he’ll have a large bald spot on the back of his head, at the very least, by the age of 30. He could look like Dr. Phil at that point — that’s very possible.
2. Kirk Cousins
Unbelievably, I saw a quote from Cousins himself saying something along the lines of: I didn’t realize I was balding until I had my head shaved. Really? Bro, your hairline goes back to your ears practically! He looks much better with the bangs, in my opinion. I guess Kirk has more pressing matters to attend to than his hair loss, like avoiding brain damage and mastering Gruden’s playbook. Before my alopecia interest took hold, I remember watching a game of his while he was in college at Michigan State and thinking he was showing signs of early hair loss. Guess I’ve always had a good sense of intuition about these matters.
3. Carson Wentz
This is not a good picture of Carson Wentz. But he’s clearly thinning around the edges of his hairline. It appears his hairline is now u-shaped, which is relatively normal in cases of early hair loss. I’ll be interested to see how his case develops over the next few years. His loss doesn’t appear to be especially aggressive at the moment, but his genetic fate is still a question mark. To be continued.
4. Drew Brees
Drew Brees (left, duh) has been thinning and receding for many seasons now, though his loss seems to have stabilized a bit in recent years. I don’t believe he has any major crown balding going on simultaneously. He’s still probably only a type 3 on the Norwood Scale. Possibly a 4. Good guy, I’m a fan.
5. Dak Prescott
Dak Prescott appears to show thinning at his hairline corners. I’ve seen it look much worse than it does in this picture. He could be heading for a class 4 pattern on the Norwood Scale, as the thinning appears to go back a ways. At times his hairline mysteriously fills in, it seems. He may use some kind of hair paint from time to time, like Jamie Foxx and Lebron (supposedly). Will wooden man Romo take his job from him? It appears unlikely at this time!
6. Blake Bortles
Blake is showing signs of early, aggressive hair loss. See how hairline looks “chewed out”? That usually spells trouble. I would not be surprised if he ends up with a Norwood class 6 (horseshoe-like) pattern on the Norwood scale by the age of 30. He may not still be in the league at the point at the rate he’s going. I believe he’s thinning at the crown as well.
7. Brian Hoyer
Mr. Hoyer is the only quarterback on the list who rocks a bald head. Suits him pretty well. You can find out if you’ll look good bald in this article. At 30, I believe he already has the Norwood 6 or 7, Dr. Phil like variety of balding. And at that point many men opt for the clean look. Jay Cutler is a horrible quarterback also on the Bears (and to be fair Hoyer may actually be worse). But Jay has an absolutely exquisite hairline. 5 stars.
8, 9 & 10: Roethlisburger, Roethlisburger’s backup, and Matt Shaub (I think He’s Still in the League)
Yeah, I’m sure I missed a few, too. Big Ben appears to have a mild, u-shaped, receding hairline to me. Not that big of a deal. His backup is also balding if I’m not mistaken. And Matt Shaub has the twin-runway temples just like his former coach Gary Kubiak had.
How Brady Beat Hair Loss
By now most NFL fans are aware that Mr. Deflategate himself, Tom Brady, had a hair transplant a few years ago. Most likely. It can’t be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. I believe Tom’s father had a type 6 Norwood pattern. Tom had some fairly noticeable thinning going on back in the late 2000s, and now he’s just got a normal, perhaps even slightly lower-than-normal mature hairline. Anyway, he looks great. Below are a couple before-after shots.
His hair appears markedly thinner in the first and third pics. He looks a little like Fabio in the fourth one!
UPDATE! Many people have been reading this post for information about Tom’s hair loss (or lack thereof), after his epic comeback in this year’s Superbowl. If you’re one of those people, be sure to check out my latest post: Is Tom Brady Losing Hair, Again?! A Critical, Post-Superbowl Update!
Hair Loss Treatment Options for Pro Athletes?
I was thinking about this other day. I would imagine that most pro athletes don’t want to alter their hormones with a drug like Propecia. Drugs like that may even be forbidden in their contracts, I don’t know. So pro athletes can certainly have transplants if they want to, but if they went the transplant route, most doctors would advise them to take Propecia in order to prevent further hair loss down the line. Maybe some can take it, I’m not sure. I guess PRP, minoxidil, and laser therapy are the three other best hair loss prevention therapies, so those would all be options.
Wrapping it Up
Concussions and commercials are the two biggest problems with the NFL. Agree or disagree? Seriously, the back-to-back commercials after the touchdown and extra point make me want to throw my damn beer at the TV every time, without fail. As if the game isn’t slow enough already!
Anyway, those are the top 10 balding NFL quarterbacks by my estimation. Did I miss anybody? Carson Palmer, perhaps.
And who do you think will win the race to baldness? I’m betting on Bortles.
Robert Price is a writer, consumer advocate, and hair loss researcher with thousands of hours of experience in the field. His goal is to keep you out of the hair loss rabbit hole, underworld, or whatever you want to call it. He founded Hair Loss Daily, the unbiased hair loss blog, in 2016. You can learn more about Robert in the my story section of this website.