Last Updated on September 27, 2017 by Robert Price
When it comes to hair loss, I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter. Why does it hold us back so much? Why do we allow ourselves to become slaves to this 100% normal, genetic “condition” that isn’t even a disease? And, most importantly, how do we get over it? I may have the answer for you.
The Heart of Matter
I think it’s about…
Not forgiveness, as Don Henley concluded in his classic 1989 song, “The Heart of the Matter.” But rather, it’s about acceptance.
Most of us aren’t going to be follicly blessed like Don Henley, known for his in hits in the 80s and his work in the classic rock band, The Eagles; Mr. Henley’s hairline is holding steady at Norwood 1, at the ripe age of 70. You probably will have no such luck on the follicular front.
And that’s okay.
We need to accept our genes and face the fact that we’re likely to go bald, to some degree. That doesn’t mean we can’t use Rogaine, Propecia, PRP etc. all, or occasionally get bummed out about losing our hair.
It just means that we can’t live in denial or let hair loss define us as human beings.
Is it an oxymoron to accept hair loss and treat it at the same time?
No, I don’t think so.
I may be reaching here, but here goes:
I believe Don Henley’s monster 1989 hit could’ve been about hair loss…Yes, it’s a stretch. And I’m referring to the chorus only. Let me explain.
With hair loss comes a new identity of sorts, which is often accompanied by doses of despair, bargaining, and self-reflection. You know how the song goes. Now, imagine this: Instead of Mr. Henley singing to a lost lover who’s recently found someone new, he’s singing to his…hair? To his bald father who “cursed” him? To O’Tar Norwood?
No…I digress.
Yeah, it sounds peculiar I know, but it sort of fits.
Below is the pre-chorus and chorus of the song. Imagine Mr. Henley (only much, much balder) personifying his hair and crooning to his long-gone, luscious locks in his signature, smooth, exquisite-but-slightly-pompous style. The lyrics go like this:
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
A few lyrical changes would be in order, granted. Acceptance is what I think it’s about, as I said, and learning to live without or with less hair. You can miss it sometimes, that’s okay. You just want to let hair loss define you or thwart your progress on your journey.
It’s about acceptance.
Acceptance.
Even if, even if…MPB’s my destiny?
Even if, even if…I’m as bald as Dr. Phil?
Even if, even if…The hair loss reaper comes knocking at my door?
None of them quite fit, but you get the idea.
A Motivational Quote
Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.
-James Dean
Dean’s hairline was receding, by the way, but he died long before he could go bald. Perhaps a more appropriate quote for those of you who at least have some hair on top would be:
Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll go bald…tomorrow!
Get it? Because you want to enjoy your last day on earth, and going bald on that last day would ruin the party!
Wrapping it up…
So, here’s the deal. You only get one trip down the proverbial “dark, desert highway” Henley sings about in Hotel California — and, of course, you have a limited amount of time to relish the cool wind in your hair. Enjoy it while you can, or let it go and embrace your hair loss.
You May Also Like:
- 12 Essential Dating Tips for Bald and Balding Men
- How to Overcome Your Hair Loss-Related Stress, Depression, and Anxiety in Two Weeks
- Better or Bitter – A Powerful Life Lesson from a Limbless, Balding Man
Robert Price is a writer, consumer advocate, and hair loss researcher with thousands of hours of experience in the field. His goal is to keep you out of the hair loss rabbit hole, underworld, or whatever you want to call it. He founded Hair Loss Daily, the unbiased hair loss blog, in 2016. You can learn more about Robert in the my story section of this website.
I realized as a very young boy that I would someday get old and decrepit … if I was lucky to live that long. In other words, getting old was not absolutely guaranteed. I might die young. But eventually dying was/is. Growing old in itself isn’t bad, but all the things that accompany growing old are to be shunned and avoided as long as possible: failing health, fading eyesight, poor hearing, reduced mobility, in other words, decrepitude.
But male pattern baldness was not something I associated with decrepitude. On the contrary, male pattern baldness was something I was fascinated with and soon discovered I strongly desired. I noticed that it was not just old men who went bald. Every time I saw a young guy who was going bald or was already bald, I felt he was very fortunate, actually, extremely lucky. I decided I wanted to go bald by age 30, if possible. I couldn’t understand why everyone treated baldness as an unfortunate, embarrassing disease. The term ‘prematurely bald’ made no sense to me. Was there a ‘correct time’ to finally go bald? Who decided? I decided that as soon as I became an adult (sometime in my early 20s) it would be time for me to go bald. If only I could. But whether or not I would go bald or keep my full head of hair would not be my choice. It was already decided by my genetics and I would just have to wait and see what my fate would be. Based on the presence of male pattern baldness in my family, my chances of going bald were not good: maybe 25%? I remember praying “God, please let it be me. Please make me bald!”
Other guys might agonize about losing their hair. I agonized about NOT losing my hair. Other guys lost sleep worrying they might go bald. I dreamed pleasant dreams of receding hairlines, growing bald spots and thinning hair on top of my head. I daydreamed about my future ‘horseshoe fringe’ of hair and light reflecting and shining off my shiny bald pate, and my wife kissing my on top of my bald head. All those wonderful dreams finally came true in my 50s. Oh well, better late than never.
To all you guys out there with a full head of hair: You don’t know what you are missing! Get a life! Go bald! If you can …