Last Updated on May 12, 2020 by Robert Price

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If you’re not worried about losing your hair, or the prospect of losing your hair, stop reading this article now. I bow to you and your infinite wisdom. But, if like the vast majority of men and women, hair loss is a significant concern for you, read on.

I’m here to help you put your balding into perspective, so you can stop obsessing over it and focus on more important things. This will be skim-friendly reading, and my goal is to provide you with more information and psychological tools than you’ll ever need to overcome your hair loss-related anxieties, fears, and depression.

If you apply yourself, I believe you can restore your sense of confidence and regain tranquility in your life, all in two weeks or less. Sound good? Great, let’s get started.

Part 1 – Hard Truths & Inspiration

“Hair loss is God’s way of telling me I’m human.”
-Bruce Willis

First Off, Hair Loss is a First-World Problem

Seriously, you could be on the verge of starvation in a filthy, sewage-swamped wasteland somewhere. You have food, shelter, and presumably an internet connection, the three necessities for survival in the 21st century. Moreover, there are people around the world suffering from an array of atrocious maladies and hardships that you can’t even begin to fathom.

Baldness doesn’t crack the top 10,000 list of horrible physical afflictions — and it’s not even an illness at all, so keep that in mind. One day you’re going to die, and at your funeral, nobody’s going to talk about the density of your hair. They’ll talk about your contributions to society, how you treated your friends and family, your wit, your interests, and so on. Feeling better? Good, let’s move on to the next point…

You’re in the Majority, Not the Minority

70-80% of men have the balding gene. About 40% of women have it, too. That’s right, most guys and nearly half of all women lose their hair, to some extent, at some point. It’s unfortunate, but there is still no cure for pattern baldness — at least not yet! You’re in good company, rest assured, no matter how bald or how old you are.

Hair loss or no hair loss, you’ll be okay. I’m about to tell you why.

There’s Never Been a Better Time to go Bald!

This isn’t 1975. If you’re starting to lose your hair, you have options. There are a variety of effective hair loss treatments available, including FDA-approved Rogaine and Propecia (for men only), along with a number of promising natural remedies. Additionally, the hair transplantation field has made tremendous advances over the last two decades. Good transplants are totally undetectable, and the procedures are relatively pain-free in most cases. Better, safer, and more effective treatments are on the horizon, and the transplantation industry will continue to improve.

Letting your hair shed naturally is a perfectly viable course, as well. Thanks to Michael Jordan, Bruce Willis, Derek Jeter, and others, the bald or shaved look is both fashionable and acceptable for modern men. There’s nothing wrong with embracing baldness!

Women Don’t Care About Your Hair

Sorry, ladies, I have more male than female readers, so feel free to skip this section if you feel inclined. But please know that men, with very few exceptions, rarely even notice female hair loss. Why? Because by and large, female hair loss is much less severe and obvious than male pattern baldness. Men associate hair loss with bald spots and large foreheads — the widening part that women with hair loss typically develop doesn’t even register with most guys.

Now, guys: you obsess over your hairline way more than any woman ever will. If some of them knew how much you’re worrying about your receding hairline or impending baldness, they would probably think you’re insecure, weird, or even crazy, but that’s okay. They don’t need to know!

Look, if you’re 22-years-old and you’re striving to be the world’s next great pick-up artist, going bald may hurt your game to some degree. But ultimately, it won’t affect your life nearly as much as you think it will!

Your personality, sense of humor, intelligence, drive, and ambition are all much more important to women than your hairline. Furthermore, you’re probably way more shallow than most women are! No, nobody is going to turn you down for dates or even swipe-left you on Tinder because you’re balding. Okay, that was inaccurate, and maybe a small percentage of them won’t date you and will indeed swipe left. But you don’t want to waste your time on anyone who’s that superficial anyway.

The Psychological Effects of Hair Loss

I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. So I’ll say this: Without question, balding causes a wide range of negative, psychological effects in both men and women.

A European survey of 1,717 men found that, “men with greater hair loss appeared to be more worried, less self-confident and, in general, to have more negative effects specific to their hair loss than men who reported less hair loss.” (European Journal of Dermatology. 2000. Available Online Here). That same study concluded that even men with “‘a little’ or “some” to “moderate” hair loss showed significant negative effects of hair loss relative to men without hair loss.”

They sure said “hair loss” a lot in that article, didn’t they? Moving on…

The point is this: you don’t have to be a part of the relatively stressed and depressed majority of hair loss sufferers. You can beat your balding blues, and I’m here to help you do it. So stay with me.

Skip the First Four Stages of Grief. Seriously, Go Ahead!

Think about it. Many people spend a lot of time in denial about their hair loss, even when all the classic signs are there. By the time they admit to themselves what’s happening, it’s often too late for them to do anything about it, which is something they may regret. And anger? That’s not going to help you, either.

Bargaining is another stage of grief balding people often find themselves stuck in — and sorry, you can’t wish or pray your baldness away. Depression can also creep in and start consuming your thoughts and draining your energy, but you can easily avert your depressive tendencies by learning a few simple behavior-modification tools — and we’ll get to those momentarily.

“The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.”

-Winston Churchill

That brings us to the final stage of grief: Acceptance.

There’s no reason to deny, attack, or brood over the truth. Ultimately you’re losing your hair, not your girlfriend or a loved one or even your friend with benefits from 2014. So skip all the other stages of grief. Make peace with this, make a realistic plan to fight it, or accept it and just do the best you can with the hair you have. Or shave it all off, that’s fine too. More on this momentarily.

Part II – Psychological Tools & Strategies

This is no way to cope with hair loss.  Next I’ll show you some techniques that are far superior to the bottle.

Have a MAP, Or Massive Action Plan

This is an abbreviated version of the famous Tony Robbins concept. By having a MAP, or massive action plan, you’ll feel more prepared and at peace on your hair loss journey, whether you choose to fight it or not. First, you need to ask yourself what you want. Be honest, specific, and realistic. Your answer could be, “I’d like to keep most of my hair until I’m 35-years-old, without ever allowing myself to become obsessive or crazy”,” or “I want to be a fit, confident, good-looking person, no matter how bad my hair loss gets.”

If your objective is to retain all or most of your hair until a particular age or life event, without becoming obsessive, your massive action plan could look something like this:

1. Research all my hair loss treatment options, evaluating the potential risks and benefits of each respective treatment.
2. Read reviews of hair loss specialists in my area and find a highly rated, competent doctor.
3. Get my hair loss evaluated and discuss the best course of action with my doctor.
4. Purchase topical treatments and/or medications as needed.
5. Take my medications as instructed, carefully looking out for any side effects.
6. Monitor my progress by taking photographs of my hairline and crown once a month, and once a month only, for the next year.
7. Stop obsessing over my receding hairline so much by avoiding using certain, unflattering mirrors and only permitting myself to observe my hair loss once per month, for no more than 10 minutes.
8. Schedule a follow-up appointment with my doctor to review my results in a one year.

If you have a receding hairline and you want to embrace it, while looking stylish and increasing your confidence level at the same time, your massive action plan could go as follows:

1. Find a hairstyle that is easy to maintain and attractive, using google search and youtube for inspiration.
2. Show my desired hairstyle to a competent barber. See what they think, and consider any suggestions they have.
3. Improve my fitness level and overall health, so I can increase my energy and feel more confident about my body.
4. Spend a few more minutes each week on grooming my facial hair to ensure my goatee is GQ-worthy.
5. Expand my wardrobe and look for little ways I can improve my personal style.
6. Evaluate my hair loss and styling options every six months, ensuring that I’m always making the most out of the hair I still have.

Consider the Costs

Even with a plan, you may experience setbacks. That’s okay, you’re human. But if you continue obsessing over your hair loss, think about what it will ultimately cost you.  To accomplish this, try asking yourself questions like:

• How will my hair obsession ultimately impact my relationships?
• What affect will it ultimately have on my self-esteem?
• How will my obsession alter my social life?
• What costs will I pay financially if I don’t make some changes?
• How much time will this cost me?
• What price will I ultimately pay emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?
• How much will my overall quality of life suffer if continue on this path?

If you’re still struggling with hair loss-related stress, anxiety, and depression in a year, imagine what life will be like for you. Take a few moments.

Now fast forward five years. Assume you haven’t totally kicked this obsession yet, what will your life be like then?

The point here is this: you want to associate tremendous pain with not changing, because that will spur you into action. Consider the costs in stark, vivid terms and write them down. Feel them, in your heart, body, and mind. Not changing should be unacceptable.

Think of All the Rewards, Too

Also, think of the benefits you’ll enjoy by ending your hair loss infatuation, once and for all; consider the countless ways your relationships, self-esteem, social life, finances, mental and emotional health, and overall quality of life will improve. Yes, you should write it down — it won’t take long! How will you feel about yourself after changing? How will others perceive you?

The picture’s not so bleak now, is it? Two more quotes, then on to the next section.

“Happiness can only exist in acceptance.”

-George Orwell

“Life isn’t fair. It’s true, and you still have to deal with it. Whining about it rarely levels the playing field, but learning to rise above it is the ultimate reward.”

-Harvey Mackay

Eliminate Your Stresses and Fears with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a proven, practical, and goal-oriented form of psychotherapy that is used to treat a wide variety of issues, from anxiety and depression to drug and alcohol abuse. It isn’t BS, unlike many other textbook psychological tactics. It works, it’s easy, and you can do it without a guide. No shrink required! All you need is a computer, phone, or paper pad. The instructions are as follows:

1. Separate your sheet of paper or document into two columns.
2. In the first column, write down all your negative thoughts, feelings, and fears about your hair loss. Take your time, and think back to the recurring themes you’ve been subconsciously exploring in your mind for the last few days, weeks, or months. Be as specific and precise as you can be.
3. In the second column, write down a rational response to each of your negative thoughts and fears.
4. Review your worksheet as needed, ideally at least once per day for about 5 minutes for the next two weeks. Or longer, if desired. This will help you see your hair loss in objective, practical terms.
5. Optional – Add a third, replacement thought column, where you’ll create a new, empowering and/or realistic thoughts to replace your negative thoughts. Practice makes perfect!

If you’re truly struggling with depression or anxiety due to your hair loss, this will help you rewire your brain and eliminate your destructive behavioral patterns.

I’ve included five cognitive behavioral therapy samples below. In the interest of keeping this article mobile-friendly, I didn’t use columns. Feel free to borrow as many ideas as you’d like from this sample, but be sure to use your own words, and to come up with as many negative thoughts and responses as possible, because the exercise will have more power that way.

Five CBT Samples

Negative Thought 1: I’ll look disgusting as a bald man.

Rational Response 1: I won’t look disgusting, as long as I stay healthy and maybe make a few upgrades tor my wardrobe. I can grow a nice beard, and I’ll still be a decent-looking guy, hair or no hair.

Negative Thought 2: Women will no longer find me attractive.

Rational Response 2: Of course plenty of women will still think I’m attractive.  What’s inside me is much more critical to them than my hair.

Negative Thought 3: I won’t be as confident as I am now without hair.

Rational Response 3: If I take control of your physical and emotional well-being, I won’t lose any confidence because of my hair loss. 

Negative Thought 4: I won’t be successful if I’m bald.

Rational Response 4: Nobody really cares about my hair at work, or anywhere else for that matter. They care about my performance, and that’s about it. This will only affect my career if I allow it to.

Negative Thought 5: Am I going bald?!?! Oh God, no, I’m screwed!

Rational Response 5: Fear won’t get me anywhere in life. I’m not screwed. Again, I’ll be fine, with or without the hair. 

CBT Resources

• Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy by David Burns – This is a pioneering work in the field of cognitive behaviroal therapy. It’s one of the few self-help books I’ve read that helped me cope with my day-to-day struggles, neuroses, depression, etc.
• National Alliance of Mental Illness Guide – Solid information about CBT and other psychotherapy techniques
• What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Therapist Kati Morton – Good, video overview on CBT from an expert in the practice.

Take Control of Your Emotions

By using cognitive behavioral therapy, and by having a game plan to deal with your hair loss, you will start regaining control over your damaging thoughts and emotions. This isn’t a life-and-death situation, and I want you to stop fixating on it as quickly as possible! Here are a few other tips to help you overcome your hair loss-related depression, anxieties, and fears.

• Avoid Negative Emotional Triggers – That means, again, you should stop looking in that mirror in the bathroom with the unflattering lighting. Maybe after a shower, you don’t fix your hair right away when the loss is most noticeable and instead wait until it’s dry. Little adjustments in your routine can make a big difference.
• Shift Your Focus – Comparing yourself to others all the time will destroy you. But if you find yourself feeling envious of other men or women with more hair than you, just look away. Instead, compare yourself to people who are experiencing similar (or worse) hair loss. There are more balding men than non-balding men in the world, so you shouldn’t have any trouble doing this. And again, plenty of women have this issue as well. Comedian Bill Burr says when he started losing his hair, he looked to other successful bald men for motivation. You can do the same thing.
• Change Your Response – When you feel a sense of panic or depression as a result of your hair loss coming on, slow down your thoughts and breathing. Your emotions will be running high. Make sure you breathe in deeply; exhale slowly and completely, too (many people don’t breathe out efficiently when they’re under stress which can intensify their emotions). Next, evaluate your fears and limiting, negative beliefs in a rational manner. Talk back to yourself! Challenge the pessimistic thoughts in your head. By changing your physical response, you’ll realize you have far more control over your emotions than you realize.

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind, he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”
-Buddha

That brings us to our final psychological technique, which you can also use to lift your spirits and regain control of your emotions.

Be Mindful

In the last few years, mindfulness has become something of a buzzword, as more and more people seek ways to disconnect from their devices and find peace in their chaotic lives. All buzzwords carry baggage. But no, mindfulness is not just for hippies, yuppies, and/or Californians. And you don’t need to attend a $2,000 weekend retreat or read a 500-page book on mindfulness to apply the practice into your life.

Simply, mindfulness means staying in the moment, without judgement. 

Try this. Next time you find yourself obsessing over your hair loss, just state the basic definition of mindfulness to yourself. I’m serious! Simply say “stay in the moment, without judgement.” Or “just be, no judgement.” Something along those lines. Doing this could make a huge difference and even prevent a depressive episode. The goal is to forget about your past and the future, and to stay receptive, positive, and grateful in the moment.

You’re too hard on yourself — and being mindful will help you stay present and experience life in a more meaningful way. It will also enable you to let go of some of your own cognitive distortions.  We went over some of those earlier in the cognitive behavioral therapy section. No, you won’t look disgusting if you lose your hair, and it will only ruin your life if you let it.

Now, I’d be lying if I said that I’m a mindful person, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But when I’m feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or like a hamster spinning in a wheel, I find that slowing down my thoughts and being mindful can improve my mood and elevate my performance dramatically. And it could definitely help you in your life, too.

“With mindfulness, you can establish yourself in the present in order to touch the wonders of life that are available in that moment.”

-Nhat Hanh

“Mindfulness helps us freeze the frame so that we can become aware of our sensations and experiences as they are, without the distorting coloration of socially conditioned responses or habitual reactions.”

-Henepola Gunaratana

Try practicing mindfulness during a meal. No TV or smart phones allowed! Experience. Enjoy. And savor. It’s a great, easy way to get started. You can also practice mindfulness on your next walk, in the shower, or while you’re performing any other task. It can turn something mundane into something fresh, new, and compelling.

Meditation, controlled-breathing exercises, and practicing gratitude all help promote mindfulness. They’re completely optional for our purposes. The objective is to stop simply going through the motions, and to start truly experiencing life. If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness, here’s a link to a video that will help you get started.

A Few More Helpful Tips, Hopefully

1. Replace Your Hair Loss Obsession with Something Positive – It could be a new hobby, like mountain climbing, surfing, or hiking. If it gets your adrenaline pumping, that’s excellent! Fitness is another popular one, especially among guys who elect to embrace their hair loss. Bald and strong is always a winning combination, there’s no question about it. And the best option, in my opinion: put all your energy into your work, or into a new project that excites you.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”

-Albert Einstein

       2. Try to Fit Exercise into Your Daily Routine – Research shows that exercise can help decrease anxiety and improve your mood (source). It can dramatically increase your confidence level, too. As someone who’s prone to depression and anxiety, I can tell you that in my experience, exercise is one of the best ways to naturally combat mental health issues — and obsessions, like hair loss.

       3. When in Doubt, Do Something – Inaction is often at the root of our destructive thoughts and depressive episodes. If you’re feeling down because of hair loss, or anything else for that matter, try to avoid the temptation to sit around and do nothing. Chances are, doing just about anything will make you feel better. You could clean the house, mow the lawn, run a marathon, walk around the block, climb a mountain, try something new, meet friends for coffee. Anything. As long as it’s not destructive, of course.

“Get action. Do things; be sane; don’t fritter away your time; create, act, take a place wherever you are and be somebody; get action.”

-Teddy Roosevelt

Former US President Teddy Roosevelt was prone to severe bouts of depression. Getting action was his way of combating it.

Beat Your Balding Blues and Boost Your Self-Esteem:

A Quick Synopsis

1. Hair loss is a first-world problem, so consider yourself lucky that it’s a concern of yours.
2. At your funeral, rest assured nobody will mention your hair.
3. Most men have the balding gene. So do nearly half of all women. It’s an inconvenient truth. But even though Hollywood makes it seem like everyone enjoys lush, beautiful hair forever, that’s not the reality. You’re in good company, regardless of your stage in the balding process.
4. This is the age of enlightenment in the hair loss treatment field. The treatments are better and more effective than they’ve ever been, and good hair transplants are usually undetectable.
5. Shaving your head is perfectly fashionable as well if you’re a dude, which wasn’t always the case.
6. As a group, women are far less superficial than men are. With few exceptions, they won’t hold your hair loss against you as long as you’re confident and well put-together. And ladies, guys don’t notice or care about your hair loss nearly as much as you think, either.
7. Consider the mental, emotional, spiritual, and social costs you’ll pay if you continue your hair loss obsession. Now think of all the mental, emotional, spiritual, and social rewards you’ll enjoy by ending this chapter in your life. Associate massive pain with staying on the same path, and total ecstasy with changing.
8. You can use cognitive behavioral therapy to modify your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. Again, simply write down all your negative feelings and fears about hair loss in one column. In another column, you write rational responses to those negative thoughts. Review the worksheet as needed. It’s very simple.
9. If you have a plan on how to deal with your hair loss practically and emotionally, you’ll feel more at ease and confident.
10. My definition of mindfulness is stay in the moment, without judgement. Just say that to yourself when your hair loss concerns or phobias creep into your subconscious. Take it easy on yourself. Practice mindfulness. It will help.
11. You can take control over your emotions today, simply by changing your response when you’re under duress.
12. Replace your hair loss obsession with something positive, like a new hobby, passion project, or goal.
13. Daily exercise can help prevent mental-health setbacks and issues like depression and anxiety. It can increase your confidence, too.
14. Resist the urge to do nothing. If you’re feeling down, angry, worried, or stuck, try to force yourself to take action. Do something, anything. Chances are it will make you feel much better.

That’s it. I hope you found this helpful. I found it to be both helpful and cathartic at the same time, so the nearly 4,000 words were well spent! If you have a personal story you’d like to share, or some advice to impart that may help others, please leave a comment below.

More Motivational Content for You

Here are a few more posts you may find inspirational on your journey to killing your hair loss insecurities and crushing it in life.

• George Carlin’s Best Advice for Balding Men
• Comedian Bill Burr’s Six Tips for Getting Over Hair Loss
• Hair Loss Crisis – The Way Out is Through
• Balding? Insecure? Here’s How to Fake it Until You Make it In Life
• The 12 Steps to Dating Success for Balding Men

Robert Price

Robert Price is a writer, consumer advocate, and hair loss researcher with thousands of hours of experience in the field. His goal is to keep you out of the hair loss rabbit hole, underworld, or whatever you want to call it. He founded Hair Loss Daily, the unbiased hair loss blog, in 2016. You can learn more about Robert in the my story section of this website.