Last Updated on May 10, 2020 by Robert Price
As I mentioned in my post about gay hair loss, bears, and mail-order brides, I recently took a part-time security job at a hospital, just on the weekends.
So I’m seeing some interesting characters, shall we say, along with some criminal activity. I’ve also encountered an endless stream of ridiculously large women, nurses and assistants. No offense to any of my obese female fans, if there are any…
And yeah, I’ve had a number of police interactions already as well. And given the fact that I run this hair loss blog, of course my main takeaway from those interactions is as follows…
Wow, there are a ton of friggen bald cops!
Why is that, I wonder.
I’m speculating, but my guess is the primary reason is stress. I realize that as a cop in America, you’re stigmatized and unappreciated by the general public by and large. I don’t like that police officers are vilified, personally, nor do I agree with the vilification, but it is what it is.
Getting hated on all the time is stressful…
And as I stated in my post describing the top 7 things that can accelerate hair loss, stress can definitely expedite your journey from juvenile hairline to Prince William.
Inadequacy Issues?
I think it’s fair to say that many, certainly not all, police officers enter the profession due to personal insecurities. Maybe they were picked on in school or didn’t get laid enough or weren’t popular or were just plain ugly. Whatever the reason.
Baldness definitely has a tendency to exacerbate a person’s insecurities and sense of self-worth.
Acne does the same thing, I can attest to that.
So, it’s certainly possible that many young officers enter the force as they begin noticing the early stages of hair loss, a little angry with a lot to prove.
The Buzzed Look is Fashionable
Even non-balding cops often opt for the clean, buzzed look! So I’m guessing that many cops with relatively minimal recession are shaving their heads. It’s a tidy, low-maintenance look that suits the profession.
They’re in the “Prime” Balding Years
Most cops are approx. 25-50. And as I state in my hair loss 101 post, it’s super common for men in that age group to be balding.
Officer Bald and Officer Tall
Now it’s story time, so come gather round, my balding friends.
At the hospital, we do legal blood draws for various police departments, both state and local. These take place when a suspect either refuses to take a breathalyzer test or is potentially under the influence of other substances like pot, crack, meth, shrooms and/or bath salts.
The police have to bring the suspect into the hospital, naturally. The two officers I run into most are known by the nursing staff as officer bald and officer tall.
Not really.
That’s what I call them, though.
Officer bald — about 50, 5’10” or so — is the more serious of the two, as you would expect. Officer tall, about 35, 6’3″, seems a bit more self-assured and easygoing.
I’ve got another confession to make…
There’s something about seeing a cop that’s weird. Even though I have no particular animus towards police officers, a small part of me feels inclined to punch every deputy, trooper, detective, and sheriff I encounter. I never would…at least I don’t think I would.
It’s the same feeling I get when I walk near the edge of a rooftop or on the top of the bridge. What would it be like to jump? I sort of want to jump to see if I can fly, because I know I shouldn’t do that, just like I know I’m not supposed to punch a cop. And I won’t, relax!
That got a little dark…
A Conversation About Kapernick with a State Trooper and a Stoned Man
That was interesting. Toward the end of my 12-hour shift on Sunday morning, a state trooper brought in an obviously stoned man.
The guys on marijuana are much more cheerful and pleasant than the drunk ones, by the way. Our conversation somehow landed on Colin Kaepernick, Michael Bennet, the NFL’s national anthem protests, and black lives matter.
The officer asserted that the NFL’s ratings were crashing dramatically due to the anthem protests.
I said, “Yeah, big surprise that you’d think that..” or something like that.
He assured me his opinion wasn’t due to his occupation. The midday, Hispanic toker in cuffs concurred with the officer, surprisingly, stating that “we’re all Americans” or something to that effect, before dismissing black lives matter as a divisive outfit.
Black men look good bald, by the way.
After the blood was drawn, the officer told the suspect that he’d have him home before the Seahawks game started.
“That’s good service,” I said, which amused the suspect.
60-Year-Old Heroin Addict With Perfect Hair
He was admitted to the hospital earlier in the evening. Nice enough guy, fabulous hair, and a total screw up.
Isn’t it ironic?
Don’t you think?
Bald Cops, Everywhere
No matter the jurisdiction, you’re bound to see a lot of bald cops, just like you’re bound to see a plethora of homeless, aging, heroin addicts with luscious, recession-free hair. It’s one of those mysteries of the universe that’s yet to be solved.
Robert Price is a writer, consumer advocate, and hair loss researcher with thousands of hours of experience in the field. His goal is to keep you out of the hair loss rabbit hole, underworld, or whatever you want to call it. He founded Hair Loss Daily, the unbiased hair loss blog, in 2016. You can learn more about Robert in the my story section of this website.